Posted at » 4:18:00 PM
Saturday, December 6, 2008
CAS 1001S...... Africa: Culture, Identity & Globalisation------65
EEE1003W..... Computing for Elec Engineers--------------------70
EEE1004W..... Engineering I -------------------------------------------64
MAM1003W.. Mathematics 1003 -------------------------------------53
MAM1045S.... Modelling for Elec Engineers----------------------60
MEC1003F..... Engineering Drawing ---------------------------------80
PHY1010W.... Physics 1010 -------------------------------------------53
The long awaited final results is finally out... it was released yesterday and I decide to blog about it, serves as a review and a reminder.
(take a deep breath~~~~)
whew~ what a year.
0 social life. 0 activities. All academics.
How can I put it... It is simply different from the life I used to lead, back in Singapore.
Well, as the results shown... I manage to survive this year~~~ passing all my courses.
It ain't easy - AT ALL.
3 years breakaway from books.
And immediately going into University level- Engineering stuff.
I mean, I am a 22 year old doing what I should be doing at the age of 19.
Haha~ don't mistake me~ I ain't complaining at all! It is just that I sometimes wonder...how amazing a human brain is! So how? I manage to keep motivated and strive through the beginning...like a cold and old engine...competing amongst fresh high school grads.
You do feel the difference- in the beginning. After a while, sometime in the 2nd quarter~ you start to feel more natural and able to cope with the new life and it's needs...
...
....
.....
Looking back... everyday is a battle : battle to get out of bed, battle to understand, battle to pass, battle to catch the shuttle, battle to catch the earliest train home.
Haha~ I know it isn't the end of it.
I still have 3 years.
...
....
.....
Out of the 7 courses, Maths and Physics are the worst.
Inspiring me with their applications and magic, drives me passionately towards the goal of being a working Professional Engineer. Yet, at the same time, my results for these 2 courses tormented me endlessly... ironic isn't?
Before the final exams... I was in a situation where I begin to lose hope and confidence in passing all my courses. There were times when I am mentally prepared to fail one of the two. Dropping one course and focus on the other- Making sure that at least one passes. Failing both courses could dangerously threaten my academic career.
The second half of the semester was a total mess...everyday I could feel that I am slowly losing control of my studies, bit by bit. Previous work not settled, new material stacks up. Leaving me only more and more demoralised and stressed. Sometimes, you can't help but wondering if you gonna make it.
Keeping my mind focused at all times, constantly thinking, planning about the day's schedule ahead. Even on trains, I can't even study anymore, taking the opportunity to get some eye shut- occasionally went past my station(only to make me feel crappier, wasting more time, the train takes another 30 mins to go back.).
Thinking and reviewing about it now kinda reminds me of the life before and ahead of me, I really don't want to have a cold start again.
Here is why I am so stressed back there...
Maths tests marks were 54,42,45,34,68
Physics tests marks were 64, 16, 48, 24, 28,76
(marks in %)
Tell me, if you were me---- will you freak out?
Even though the results are really really REALLY demoralising, I was constantly planning, and doing something about it.
I know if I don't : I will freak out, I will breakdown, I will give up.
I did blow my top quite a few times when my social life begins to interupt and disrupt my need to focus at such a desperate and deciding moment.
I can be very impatient and stone-hearted when it comes to issues that matter and situations that is serious.
As usual, I do what I need to do.
Yesterday, hamster said I've changed. I find it kinda amusing and also saddening at the same time. I know I've kinda changed... yet I didn't realise it is that obvious.
I've became more serious, less-sociable, more focused, even more ambitious and passionate to get to where I want to be in life.
He didn't have to tell me, I know myself. It is what I chose for my life...I don't really understand more than what I've just describe. Basically, I am just a student who can't wait to graduate, earn a living, start a career.
This is all that I want to do right now.
It is all about a sense of glory, a sense of achievement and a sense of breakthrough.
I do not wish to let my parents down or let them worry about my studies, my future. I want to make them proud of their son, not having to worry about money. They are paying for my living cost and studies. Even though I do not think that there is anything wrong with that since they are able to afford it, but if I repeat my course , it will meant for them to fork out the extra money to let me continue my studies. I've worked in their shop, I know it is tough money.
How I wish I could start giving them money and be able to be financially independent- as a man.
I wonder... if I am 19 now, if I didn't return to Singapore for army...will I think like so?
Passing all the courses might seems a natural thing to do. I believe so too. Yet, in reality, it aint as easy as it might sound. With only 2 weeks to prepare a 6 courses is really impossible, but it seems that when a person is forced to a certain extent, somehow, he/she make the impossible seems rational.
I wasted the first week away, preparing for Bro,Grandma,Susan's arrival. Cleaning the room out, washing the car, vacumming the car, buying groceries...it is ridiculous I know. I was trying to relax because there were strings of tests previous weeks... it is kinda like running away! But obviously, I still kept my head clear and straight of what is important!
During the first week, I still have lectures thus the actual studying/revising only starts on the weekend! But due to their arrival, I brought them to my University to tour~ I went to Maths Saturday tutoring. Susan studied Applied Mathematics back in Singapore, thus, naturally I would hope she could help me with my Maths- as expected, she has forgotten about her Maths..............................
My study plan was spending sat,sun,mon,tues,wed for Maths- Maths has to be totally completed. and thurs, fri,sat,sun,mon on Physics. I decide to try and pass both subjects!
Yet, I can't really study until Monday, and it wasn't really that fruitful as it is still kinda distracting to have far-away guest around you. (was really really tempting to go sight-seeing with them!!!!!!! Never being to those places before!) They left for PE on Wednesday, thus, my Maths was barely 3/4 done. It was horrifying.
Thus, I did something I never did ever before-------------- From thursday onwards, I woke up at 0430hrs and studied Maths till 1030hrs. 6 hrs. I thought it would make up nicely! And it kinda did!!! It was a crazy idea to try out on FINALS! But, I mean~ I am desperate. In addition, it is a brilliant plan as not only I get my hrs back, I get to revise 2 different big subjects at the same time. From 1030hrs onwards, I'll revert back to physics as per planned.
But the side effects are there. I started to lose consciousness during afternoons, forcing me to take a 1 hr nap in the afternoons. It is a must and it feels really shit to fight and struggle to wake up from that little nap. Well~ discipline.
My exams timetable is as "accomodating" as the June exams...having Africa: Culture, Identity & Globalisation(tues),Modelling for Elec Engineers(wed),Maths1(thurs) straight in a row........fri,sat,sun for you to study..... then comes....Computing for Elec Engineers(mon),Maths2(tues),Physics(wed) .....what the hell~ Maths and Physics,one day after another... while all these tests dates squashed up together, Engineering I was comfortably placed 4 days later on the following Monday.
Sigh... now I think about it....remembering that I was totally numb and focused...
"Do my best!"
"Just do what needs to be done."
"TRY TILL THE END"
"Wake up!!!"
"Don't want any regrets!"
"Don't let them disappointed..."
"Last chance le"
I don't think I am born to be academically brilliant-I am not clever.
Wise. I see the light of life.
So I strive towards it.
I want to get what I want.
I do what I need to do, to get what I want.
Some might says I am stubborn, that I am going to hit a wall one day.
But,
One day, I will be on top of that wall and I'll look at them, from the top. Smile, then disappear over that wall and move on.
I do accept the fact that Life is not smooth and I might really hit that wall and fall... or I might not be able to reach and climb the wall.
But,
One day, I will crash through the wall, leaving a hole for them to watch me move on to my next wall.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In all... I am pleased with myself. For trying hard. :)
YOSH~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DID IT!
Not satisfied with the results though.
It aint the end.
Another battle will start soon... and to start the preparation.
This time, I hope to do better...I'll strive to.
Concluding this year's academic self-reviewing!
我/
Peter
A.D 1986 -
Adores
Life itself
Always glad to be alive and well. ^_^
DETESTS
Sickness & Death itself
It would be... meaningless. -_-'''
S pirit sings inside
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